The pine-ful reality of a real Christmas tree

Oooh it’s finally here, the build up to Christmas. Ok if you are in retail the build up started shortly after Halloween. But for us normal people December marks the start of the festive season. Well apart from that smug mum I heard at the schools gates who was regaling people with how she has not only completed her shopping but wrapped it already. Seriously go away with your uber-organisation…

Still I am on it this year – advent calendars are in and by the fire-place. We have already missed one day for Pudding… but that’s still retrievable. We have our amazing elf from An Elf For Christmas. This is great fun and much appreciated by Pie. It’s day two of Elf and I am still managing to get up and do something interesting with her.

Mr Pud's romantic idea of what our Christmas Tree will look like
Mr Pud’s romantic idea of what our Christmas Tree will look like

Next week will see the annual Pudding HQ trip to buy a tree. Mr Pud will have delusions of grandeur and decide that what our tiny house needs is a 10ft monster tree. Pie will pick the dead one and be sad that we won’t let him have that. Eventually a reasonably sized tree will be picked and then stuffed into the car, probably stabbing both kids in the eyes with needles and blocking all driver vision.

Locked and loaded - ready to spread needles far and wide on removal of that net!
Locked and loaded – ready to spread needles far and wide one removal of that net!

Then the fun really starts. Where to put said tree? Space is an issue but more concerning this year is 1-year-old Pud. With her propensity for eating stuff she probably won’t manage any Christmas dinner due to the large amount of pine needles she will consume between now and Christmas Day….

Of course the first course will start when we take the netting off the tree and it pings out like a jack in the box covering the surrounding 6m radius with needles. These will then drop at an exponential rate until January the 6th. Upon which I expect to pick up the tree and the remaining 7000 needles will then drop and scatter themselves through the house to continue to be found until July. Leaving me to struggle outside with a bald Christmas tree which itself will sit in my front garden until May when I finally take it to the tip.

The needle-less tree that will stay in my front garden until the spring…

Should we find a suitable place to put the tree, which is doubtful, we do at least have a tree stand to put it in. This will avoid the sawdust disaster of 2012 and the unsuccessful planting of wonky tree in 2013. Let me tell you filling a bucket with either sawdust(?) or mud when you have no roots is not a successful or sensible method for securing a Christmas tree.

So once we have secured said tree in an appropriate place. Probably sworn at each other and drunk a little too much mulled wine we will begin the decoration. Pie will have wandered off by this point. Bored of the ‘what about here’ or ‘how about there’ or ‘we could try shoving it where the sun doesn’t shine’ conversation. Pudding will be sat in the decorations box. Probably working her way through some tasty tinsel whilst wrapping fairy lights round the sausage dog. The decorations and lights will be flung unceremoniously on to the branches of said Christmas tree. Gathered mainly at the top to prevent any theft of tinsel by Pudding. At this stage the lack of Sausage Dog and Pie will be noticed. They will be found in the other room, quietly unwrapping all 20 Christmas tree chocs and eating them.

Its amazing how many of these one dog and one small boy can get through...
Its amazing how many of these one dog and one small boy can get through…

 

This is the point where one of us will add some brandy to the mulled wine, whilst declaring that next year we are having one of those LED twig Christmas trees…

9 thoughts on “The pine-ful reality of a real Christmas tree

  1. There is nothing like a real Christmas tree, unfortunately, the house, in which, we live at present, is on the small side, so we have to have a space saving pop up tree, which does look pretty, with the decorations and lights, but in our last much larger home, we always had real trees, I miss the smell of pine, I must confess, but there is a lot less work involved!
    Karen, the next best thing to mummy recently posted…Memories of donkeysMy Profile

  2. Oh your house will smell so very christmassy and delicious! How nice. We have a new puppy, so my guess is he would be leaving pee-mail all over it if we had a real one. Ours is hot pink/purple and fabulous! Hopefully we will get to it this week! How fun! #EatSleepBlogRT
    Lisa Pomerantz recently posted…I am Woman, Hear Me RoarMy Profile

  3. My dad is allergic so we never had a real tree growing up. Fast forward to my first Christmas with the Hubster and we got a real one. Two weeks later it was dead and we still had two weeks until Christmas…I didn’t know it needed water. We’ve had a fake one ever since! #EatSleepBlogRT
    Heather Keet recently posted…I wish I had a cooler story…My Profile

  4. We put up a real tree, but it always has a “special”form, is unique, to put it nicely:). So, decorating our tree is always fun and never the same!:)
    #EatSleepBlogRT

  5. Glad I read the caption because I was about to comment saying how beautiful and cosy your decorations looked! My favourite thing about a real tree is the smell. They smell so ‘Christmassy’. We don’t have real trees since we have moved to Australia. Christmas is in summer and I imagine the heat would make all those pine needles drop off even faster!! Enjoy picking your tree xx #EatSleepBlogRT
    Lucy’s Locket recently posted…Taking your baby to work: Benefits for the Boss  My Profile

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