I love bedtime, this is because I am the laziest Sausage that ever lived. When Mum calls ‘bedtime wee’ I leap up. Race my brother through the kitchen. Making sure to trip Dad up on his way to the loo. Dash out the backdoor and get my last good bark in for the night. Ok so if it’s raining Mum has to lob me outside. But usually I am all over it like white on rice. Then there was the night a creature invaded the kitchen

Pipsimv / Pixabay
This night was like any other. The battle cry went up.

‘bedtime wee guys…’

I was up. I was through the kitchen. Tripped both Mum and Dad. Result. Bit damp out side but I’ll risk it. Bark bark bark. Yes, goodnight world! Slink back in door. Ignoring the reproach from Mum about the barking.

Jump into bed. Boot Toby over to his side. Look up at Mum. Turn on the big eyes. She can’t resist those.

‘You’re a menace’ she says slowly shaking her head. ‘Don’t give me the innocent face now’

Oh she wants the full works tonight eh? Fine I dance on my back legs. Pawing at the air. Crikey this is a lot of work for one measly biscuit. But they taste soooo good… She finally relents after I make a prize fool of myself. Don’t know why she gives one to Toby he just laid there. He really is pathetic. Such a people pleaser.

Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
‘Night guys’  she says.

Pulling the gate closed behind her. I hear her go up the stairs. Hmmm; quick recky round the kitchen for any morsels of food. Lick the side of the bin. Yep my work here is done. Boot Toby back over his side. Settle into my squishy feather duvet. Ahhhh perfect…

*2 hours later*

I am woken by Toby shivering. He has backed right up on top of me. What the hell are you doing? I snarl. He just goes on staring into the dark shaking. Honestly that boy is a wierdo. But hang on… I see it now. What is that? On the floor.

Crikey it’s coming this way. Slowly, but definitely heading in our direction. Move back Toby, move back. Quick call for Mum. Make that pathetic noise you do. Yeh; that’s it keep whining. Shall I go look at it? Eurgh. It’s disgusting. Slimey and cold. What’s is it doing in here…

Make more noise boy. For goodness sake you have one job bro. Fine. If you want something doing. Bark. Bark. Bark. Mum. MUM. MUMMY….

I hear the light go on. A familiar expletive from my Dad. Followed by the over used phrase ‘that dog’. Mum’s foot hits the floor. I jump over the creature. Toby and I are at the gate. ‘There is a creature down here Mum’  we whimper, pawing at the gate. She doesn’t look impressed…

We climb back into bed and stare at the slimey little sucker pointedly.

‘What an earth is your problem?’ She enquires, looking at us with barely concealed rage.

I look at her. We look at the creature.

Finally! She spots it.

the creature
Photo Credit: brendanjlane via Compfight cc
‘You have to be joking’ she says ‘you got me out of bed for the worlds smallest slug?’

Tutting she steps over the gate picks up the terrifying creature and lobs it out the back door. I settle back into bed and close my eyes. Good ol’ mum she always keeps her head in a crisis!

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

7 thoughts on “Sausage Monologues – Save Us From this Creature”

  1. I really enjoyed this story – you are an excellent story teller. I have 2 dogs and we give them voices and turn them into human beings almost, so I can totally relate to this. I loved it 🙂 I thought it was going to be a grass snake…but a slug…!! Wusses! Alison x #KCACOLS

  2. What a lovely little story. The worlds smallest slug got him that irritated? The other night we were watching tv with both cats on either of our laps and you should have seen Alfie jump up and run out as soon as this tiny little harmless fly landed on his nose. It was hilarious! #KCACOLS

  3. Haha – love it! I’m with the dog – slugs are awful & should not be in the house!

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

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