This week at Pudding HQ we have been struggling to get the floors replaced following a slight flood! Stressful enough you might think but add to the mix a preschooler, a teething 5 months old and two Sausages and frankly it becomes almost impossible!
The whole house was in disarray as the entire down floor was being replaced. I opted to take the kids out leaving Mr P to project manage and watch the Sausages. This was a mistake… When the flooring guys and Mr P needed to move the fridge they emptied the contents on to the lawn, where the Sausages were sunbathing. (Having scared the flooring guys to death already by barking like a couple of Doberman!) Now I would have said that this was probably one of the most foolish ideas poor Mr P has had in a while, because by the time he realised how silly this was the Sausages had eaten the majority of the fridge contents! It reads a little like the Saturday in The Hungry Caterpillar:
1 x block of Mature Cheddar (unopened)
1 x Pork & Cider Casserole (left over from the previous night)
2 x Carrots
1 x Pack of Continental Meats
1 x Tub of Creme Fraiche
6 x Half Eaten Mushrooms (clearly not a favourite)
1 x nibbled Pepper (not man enough for that)
You would think after this list that the Sausages would be satisfied, surely two small dogs could eat nothing further? Wrong! Not satisfied with the fridge contents they then started on the wooden spoons/spatulas that had also been moved outside. My best wooden spoon was totally destroyed! When I arrived back with the children both Sausages were more like burgers! (They were also quite chastened as I can only imagine how cross Mr P would have been).
The end of the story? No. I went out later that day to take Mr P somewhere, without thinking I left the changing bag (will I ever learn) downstairs and I left my work bag on the stairs. Because the Sausages were snoozing innocently on their bed, I stupidly left them free run of the house. Another HUGE mistake! On returning home, it became clear that there is no end to the stomach of a Sausage! In the 45 minutes I had been gone they added the following to their Hungry Caterpillar list:
4 x French Fancies (including half the cardboard box)
1 x Mr Kipling Angel Cake (plastic wrapping spotless)
2 x Mars Bars (taken from the unopened multi-pack and unwrapped from their original packages)
The last items were a huge concern to me, I mean everyone knows that chocolate is poison for dogs, despite being mad at them for eating MY Mars bars (I was saving those for the evening), I watched them like a hawk debating whether they needed veterinary attention. My concern was unnecessary, I should have know that these two are indestructable, apart from waddling about all evening due to being so stuffed with the days spoils (they still requested their dinner, a request that I have to say was denied!) there were no ill effects. A few extra poos for me to clean up that was all…
They didn’t even have the decency to look guilty about their exploits – therefore I have no choice but to sit them down and drum into them the following mantra ‘I am A Dachshund not a Dustbin!’