I am so glad that people have stopped asking about how the toilet training is going, now that Pie is 4 people assume
correctly incorrectly that we have successfully mastered this key milestone. I have tried all manners of bribery, stickers, chocolate buttons, reward charts, expensive potty’s, wine, new pants; you name it I have tried it. I have tried tough love, my husband once woke up for his night shift to hear me say that 5 pairs of trousers in an hour was unacceptable and that he would have to spend the last hour before his bath in the nuddy… But seriously I can’t keep up with the washing! You would think that as I started attempting to get Pie clean when he was 2 and half that we would in fact have cracked it, but you do not realise that he is in fact a Poo Pirate, too busy conquering the Seven Seas of Wee too consider using a potty or heaven forbid a toilet!
10 Rules for Potty Training Poo Pirate’s:
- Ye shall ‘ave th’ choice o’ which vestibule in which t’ ship thy internal waste. Once ye has made thy choice ye shalt nah change thy mind or whinge fer fear o’ bein’ strung up by thy ankles from th’
main mastwashin’ line.
- Thou shalt nah mug thine Mother off by pretendin’ thou has wee’d jus’ t’ receive
bountychocolate buttons, if thou dost ye shall be marooned on a desert islandin time out.
- Successful use o’ th’ potty cannot be used against yer Mother t’ gain further treats aft th’ initial reward.
- No poo shall be left unattended in th’ potty due t’ th’ scurvy Sausage dogs love o’ all faecal matter, all poo must be immediately reported t’ th’ Cap’n
- No drink shall be consumed aft 6pm in th’ vague hope that yer bladder will be emptied afore bedtime, thus providin’ a dry nights sleep in ye hammock
- Only one portion o’ beans be allowed per day due t’ th’ magnitude o’ poo explosion per helpin’, furthermore ye will nah run around th’ deck wit’ a poopy bum, nor shall ye put thy skiddy underpants on thy head!
- Any hittin’, yellin’ or unruly behaviour aft th’ command t’ use th’ Potty has been issued will result in th’ Poo Pirate
walkin’ th’ plankbeing marrooned in time out
- Proclaimin’ ‘Mummy I ‘ave damp pants’ ‘n then refusin’ t’ use th’ potty afore bein’ issued wit’ a new pair will be resolved by
duellinga wrestling match
- Hands must be washed aft usin’ th’ potty, ’tis nah negotiable. Any non-compliance shall result in reduced rations o’
- Th’ Mother shall ‘ave rest on Sunday’s from potty trainin’ the Poo Pirate. Daddy will be in charge o’ sailin’ th’ ship!
Have you struggled to get your kids clean and dry? Any fantastic tips that might help the Captain of this ship?