Dearest Pudding,

I have something to tell you. I can’t say it out loud because I can’t bare to hear it spoken. I know I have whispered it into your ear at night. My darling Mummy has to go back to work this week.

I won’t be here when you wake. I won’t be there to respond to your cooing. To wrap you in my arms and kiss you. Too peep round the corner and say ‘morning’ in that way that makes you smile. I will miss that first ‘eeeeEEE’ of excitement at a new day. There will be no snuggles on the bed while we both have a drink.

In fact my sweetheart you won’t see me all day. I won’t be back before bed time. You won’t get to splash me in the bath. Or dance around the kitchen to some amazing 80s pop. There will be no last bedtime cuddle before we put Ewan on. No last minute whispers of a I love you before you close your eyes.

I am sorry Mummy’s girl. But I have to go. Just know that I will miss you. That I will think of you far more often than you think of me. I will picture your smile and hear your laugh. Of course I shall bore my colleagues with pictures of you. Unfortunately there are other babies who need me too. Smaller and sicker, more fragile than you. I know it’s not easy for Mummy to be gone all day. But Daddy and Pie will be here to play.

I will be back tonight, although you won’t see me. You won’t hear me creep into your room and kiss you goodnight. Just remember I love you, my beautiful girl. You and your brother are my entire world.

Love Mummy

Diary of an imperfect mum

17 thoughts on “To My Baby on My Return to Work”

  1. Lovely lovely lady – I am sending you big virtual hugs and some extra special SuperMummy cake. Your little one is so very lucky to have a mummy that is able to give her time in order to help other babies that need her so much. In the meantime it sounds like she gets to have love, play and cuddles from her Daddy and Pie, and to have quality one on one time with them whilst learning that Mummy is a very special, successful and hardworking person. I know it’s hard (it broke my heart when I first went back) but you will soon find your new normal. Hope you’re OK. Such a beautiful and emotional post xx

  2. Awww – lots of hugs! I just went back to work about 6 weeks ago, so I know how hard it can be. It sounds like your situation is even tougher, though, because you have long shifts – I take the Popple to nursery on my way to work and pick her up on the way home, so at least I see her in the mornings and evenings. It never feels like enough though. I’m still trying to adjust to our new normal. #ablogginggoodtime
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…Donald Trump vs a babyMy Profile

  3. I am in my last few weeks of maternity leave. My third and my last. I am busy preparing what I can to make the transition as easy as possible for all of us. It breaks my heart that my baby girl will be looked after by others while I go back to work, but I know she is ready for her first big independant adventure. I hope you settle back into work soon. Time with your baby becomes that bit more special after going back to work.
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