We all know that kids are ticking bombs of emotion ready to implode or explode at any time! Pie is the king of the untimed and totally unprecedented meltdown – living in Pudding HQ you get used to wearing a tin hat and being in a perpetual state of unease as another tantrum can be imminent at any given moment. So to guide you through this minefield I have prepared an A-Z guide: Hangry or Angry? 🍰😊
A is for angry, and not just a little bit cross but full on raging (usually over something ridiculous eg ‘I have water on my sleeve’)
Bat shit crazy, those days where they run round the house like a Tasmanian devil tearing up everything in their path and creating the same level of destruction as a small scale hurricane.
Cute and cuddly, this one is elusive you may only see it just before bedtime. Don’t be fooled into thinking they are being sweet, this is their way of wiping the slate clean ready to start all over again in the morning!
They have Dell boy’s ability to negotiate a fantastic deal that will leave you feeling totally had – you started requesting a toilet trip they ended up not going to the loo but some how getting a biscuit and a bag of raisins. How exactly did that happen?
E is for excited (not exorcism although believe me I do wonder sometimes) sometimes you just have to delight in how the words ‘soft play’ can make your small person so happy whilst making you feel instantly miserable.
Fanatical, and I mean utterly obsessed, once they have their spidey-senses locked on something then its all they talk about, think about, dream about but then comes the flip side they are such Fickle creatures that these obsessions are reasonably fleeting.
Grumpy – for no apparent reason. You put them to bad happy but this morning they are looking and sounding like one of Snow Whites dwarfs.
H should be for happy but let’s be honest it’s more likely that they are Hangry. We have all been there, we forget sometimes our small person needs feeding at regular intervals but miss that window and suddenly they are hulking out until you can shove a sandwich or a banana at them. Unlike Gremlins you can feed them after midnight.
Inconsolable, this stage can be reached in 5 seconds flat due to the loss of a favourite toy or just because they have their shoes on the wrong feet. Getting back from this is like wading through treacle and you will undoubtedly have to make deals that would usually never be on the table.
You know that dance they do when they need the loo but are too busy to go? Well that is what we call Jiggly. Jiggly is usually a state of high parental alert and requires swift intervention to prevent a minor accident followed by major meltdown.
King of NO! Everything you ask is met with ‘No’, this little word can be said softly or screamed in your face. It doesn’t really matter how it is said it often feels like a red rag to a bull.
Love of course is L but I think also we must mention that most preschoolers and toddlers are total Lushes’ giving out free hugs and sloppy kisses to all and sundry. They maybe small but they have a lot of love to give.
M has many options there is of course meltdown an important one, as well as manic and moany but special mention has to be mummy-centric. This one drives all Dads to distraction ‘I want mummy to do it…’ But it’s not great for mums either cos mummy-centric means a constant commentary whilst sitting on the loo.
Nasty or Nice? How can you tell in advance? Impossible. There appears to be a switch that they can flick throwing you completely off guard. One minute stroking that chick next trying to pull its head off…
Overstimulated is def O – that moment when something goes from being fun and exciting to completely overwhelming and a large amount of crying follows. This signifies a speedy extraction from the situation and hopefully a long car journey home so you can get a nap out of them (if they fall asleep 30secs from home just keep driving!)
Polite and pleasant spring to mind but I think Political is probably more apt. With a deftness that can only be recreated in a Game of Thrones episode they can turn parents against each and plot the downfall of their siblings and grandparents. Before you know it they have overthrown the entire household and are sitting smug on their Peppa Pig throne with total control over the TV.
Queen, of the drama variety. Your local am-dram has nothing compared to your child who has scratched their finger or who has been told they can’t have a biscuit. Be prepared for flinging, arm waving and crying (and that’s just you!)
Rolling on the floor laughing! Yes something has tickled them and they are now in fits of laughter on the floor, usually its something that has totally gone over your head but you find yourself joining in with them as its infectious.
We could have had Temper or Tantrum here, both would have been great but I have chosen Tenacious. Seriously they can harp on for hours until they get what they want, its not that you wanted to give in but you just can’t take it any more. The constant questions, the rephrasing of the request and the sideways glances to see if your resolve has softened.
Silence ha ha only joking! Sulking would be more appropriate, arms folded, little mouth pout – no matter how you phrase the question this is the reaction. Give up, have a brew and move on with your life because S also stands for sticky situations and that is exactly where that sulky face is leading you. The Silly-Billies, is my personal favourite, when they run into the living room with a saucepan on their head and announce they are in fact a cat.
Vexed up and vulgar! Yeh that little person is so easily wound up that sometimes you can’t resist poking him with a stick but you know long term you will regret it, especially when he later starts shouting ‘poo-head, booby face, willy’ in the middle of a restaurant just to get his own back!
Why, curiosity killed the cat right? Maybe it did but your preschooler is taking his life in his hands with the constant stream of why. Everything is met with a why until you find yourself roar like a lion ‘because I said so’ to which they reply ‘alright mum’ ….
X-acting? Yep it’s got to be done just right, the right amount of butter in the bread, no not that jam the other one, my toast is too toasty etc etc
‘Yee ha cowboy’ or ‘yo ho ho m’hearties’, everything is an imaginatve adventure, from pirates to cowboys, to rockets and monsters, sometimes the only way to get through to them is to stick them in the washing basket and row them to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
Zzzzzz tired, you, them and the dog! No one copes well when they are sleepy, time for some warm milk and a nap (just ship the kids off to Grans first!) It’s a shame that despite being tired kids won’t sleep, now as an adult if someone said have a nap you would be in there like swimwear right?